


Smelling Like a Tart's Handkerchief

by SandyWormbook



Series: The Bond Rats [2]
Category: James Bond (Classic movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types, Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman
Genre: Diamonds are Forever, Labyrinth References, Rats, Rats & Mice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 16:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14085147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandyWormbook/pseuds/SandyWormbook
Summary: I ran into the oddest human today.





	Smelling Like a Tart's Handkerchief

Dear Friend,

You know how I love exploring tunnels, even more than the typical rat. I enjoy finding new places, running along twisting passages and not knowing what’s around the bend. Most of all, I adore the surprises. 

I was out today mapping out the new tunnels in the valley and I ran into a human. I’m used to seeing the workers in their sturdy clothes and their hard hats, but this one was odd — he was wearing a tuxedo with red carnation in the lapel. Hardly proper tunnel exploring kit. He spotted me, but unlike the workers, he wasn’t startled and even started talking to me.

He proclaimed, “One of us smells like a tart’s handkerchief.” I retorted, “Not me!” and after sniffing himself for confirmation, he agreed, “I’m afraid it’s me. Sorry about that old boy.”

Before I could accept his apology, one of those dratted cleaning machines showed up. I yelled, “oh no, the cleaners!” to warn him before I ran for safety. He followed clumsily, but then turned back. He leapt on the machine and managed to break it by tangling the sparking wires together. What a triumph!

We walked the tunnels together for a bit, he was chattering the whole time, but I’m not sure he understood my answers. We parted at one of the manholes and the last I heard was, “Thank you very much, I was just out walking my rat and I seemed to have lost my way.”

What a strange human, what a strange day.


End file.
